Five ways to be remembered when leaving a job

Loads of people are either retired or fired from jobs all the time. Five suggestions to make anyone’s last day at the office one to remember …

  • Prepare a farewell speech to make comment on office affairs, expenses fiddles, obvious toupees, the quality of management, etc.
  • Give your security swipe card to a passing vagrant and tell them where they can get a free heat, cheap refreshments and make new friends
  • Put espresso coffee in the cafetiere early morning and witness colleagues blast off like chattering chimps on a Soviet space rocket
  • Start a food fight with colleagues who lunch at their desks and witness their delight
  • Bake a ginger and chilli cake to share amongst delighted colleagues and watch their faces crease with pleasure

Note: these aren’t suitable if job references or lasting friendships are required.

Many years ago a civil servant acquaintance worked evenings – such was the paucity of public sector wages at the time – as a caller in a local bingo hall. He was never the most punctual chap in any aspect of his life and this eventually got to the increasingly frustrated bingo venue manager who finally fired him. My friend was paid up in full (for the whole week) on the Thursday as usual, but the manager insisted he had to work his last Friday shift. On the Friday, well into a “waiting for a full-house” cliffhanger session, my friend produced a table-tennis bat and punched into the crowd the numbered balls as they emerged from the compressed air dispenser. Riot ensued.

If it’s going to happen anyway, might as well make the best of it.


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